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User talk:TheRealLancaster
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Number 10 page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Underscorre (talk) 00:03, July 17, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:16, July 17, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story It was actually actually taken down for story issues. This line of text is on every paragraph: " " making the story difficult to read. Those coding issues can be easily resolved by posting the story in Source Mode rather than editor mode. Besides the mechanical issues (it's=it is, its=possession "a deep trench plowed in it’s wake.". "A flame danced to life in the lighters muzzle." Possessive words need apostrophes.), the real issue lies with the story itself. The story is fairly rushed and doesn't really put much into building up the story itself. A helicopter randomly crashed into the jungles of Vietnam and the survivor hears a spooky message playing on loud speakers. There really isn't much story or build-up here, which is a shame because the propaganda tapes that are quoted are real (although the messages are mis-quoted), which could create an effective story if more time was devoted to building the narrative. The story also falls flat in the ending. "Many of you may be disappointed by the ending to this story, possibly even confused." The issue is that instead of building the story to make it less disappointing/confusing, you instead tack on a synopsis which really makes everything anti-climactic. I feel like the story would benefit from a lot more focus on the narrative, possibly building tension and environment before the other soldiers arrive. As it currently stands, it has a very glossed over aspect and really doesn't do a good job of making the plot involving/suspenseful. I would suggest taking your story to the writer's workshop for feedback on how you can improve as you seem to have the mechanics of writing down (relatively), but need some assistance on the story itself. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:40, July 17, 2016 (UTC) :It could be a good start, but you need to devote a lot more time to the plot itself and flesh out Wilson's experience. You have the historical backing to make the story more creepy, now you really need to build off of it and flesh out the story. I would strongly suggest taking your revised version to the writer's workshop (link above) and getting feedback before attempting to make a deletion appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:59, July 17, 2016 (UTC) :It's a reference to the propaganda message ("the propaganda tapes that are quoted are real (although the messages are mis-quoted), which could create an effective story.") that was blasted on speakers during the war. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:07, July 17, 2016 (UTC) ::Awelp, since it's a number, I'd assume it was just the tenth message that they came across, but if you have more information, please enlighten me. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:13, July 17, 2016 (UTC)